Tumbling

Overcoming Affection

There’s this process in life that I think we all go through. It’s not fun, not the best feeling in the world and the emotions involved stick around way more than you appreciate. It’s getting turned down by someone you think is great and you’d like to try a relationship with.

It’s exciting at first to have feelings for someone, and to over analyze everything in order to make yourself believe that those feelings are indeed reciprocated. But at the end of it, all you’ve done is dig yourself into an emotional hole that the person of interest never intended nor recognized. So what do you do?

You move on, as best as you can. And it takes awhile. And every time you see and hang out and talk with that person, the pang of rejection hits. It has nothing to do with the person, but what you’ve done to yourself. When you let your heart wander, it does not come back the same. Pieces for that person stay with them, and a reflection of the way your heart was is all you have left.

You try to pretend that everything is just as it was. Nothing has changed. Only everything that you’ve wanted to believe is still nonexistent. And with the dreams at night and during the day, you have to remind yourself that you’re just being a ‘silly girl.’

When it finally comes time that you’ve overcome the pain of wanting to be someone else and not being desired, you’re not the same. You grow, you flourish and you come to cherish you. You are magnificent, and you no longer have to let a guy define you. And now, when you see that boy, you no longer feel sick but feel empowered and beautiful. One day he will regret saying no because he’s lost the chance; just as you once thought you lost the chance to be with him. But, no chance was lost if there never was one in the first place.

What am I doing now that I’m in the place of cherishing who I am? I’m respecting me, and if a guy happens to come along… Well, we’ll just see. But for now, I’m floating on a cloud - being able to be friends with one of the coolest guys I know without feeling the regret of a lost romance. Silly, maybe a little creepy, but it’s good to be where I am.

Finally.

Thanks, Sister!

In order to motivate me to do my final work for college:

“You will fail and not graduate. And then not move to Austin. And then disappoint Barbs. And then be stuck waiting tables for the rest of your life.

C’s get degrees.

Or - you get yours C’s. Graduate. Get your graduation gifts. Move to Austin. Become ‘weird.’ and meet another ‘weird’ person. Grow up. Travel the world. And then have babies just as ‘weird.’

Either, be ‘weird’ or be a meth addict. Your call.”

Love her.